Chose Life. Chose You.

WARNING: Mention of harm and suicide ideation.

Voices of the trees call to me, “Give us your heavy heart, and we shall send it to the heavens to take flight amongst the stars. Give us your dreams, and we shall send them to our roots for wishes to come true.”

~ Elise

I was saturated with pain, relentless misery tearing me apart. What the fuck is the matter with me?

I put on a happy face; no one will ever know I have a heavy darkness suffocating me.

<darkness> I am staring at the pills in my hand. Will this do the trick? Or will it make matters worse? <darkness>

I put the pills away; no one knows.

I’m a grown-ass woman, a professional, an educator. Am I trying to seek attention? Why is this happening?

No one knows.

<darkness> I check the pills, shaking the bottle and listening to them rattle. After a quick Google search, I know how much it would take to do the trick. <darkness>

I put the pills away; no one knows.

Uncontrollable rage fills my body, screaming and out of control, no longer wanting to feel this pain pulsating in my body.

<darkness> I grab a wire hanger, unfolding it to gouge into my arms. I felt it being wrenched away. <darkness>

988 - save my life, please.

I break open. I cannot hide the pain and anguish flowing from my body.

I stopped. I listened. I knew what needed to be done: choosing life and voluntarily being admitted to a psychiatric inpatient hospital.

I chose me. I chose life.

Dear one, if you struggle to find the light to cast off the cloak of darkness, please seek help. There are people who love you and want to be by your side. I pushed people away and did not allow anyone to see my pain. Its effect numbed me.

There is light within and all around you. Do not allow the darkness to imbue your beautiful essence.

Fight for that light, and fight for your life. Chose you.

You are worth every majestic breath you take, your beating heart, the blood flowing through, nourishing your grandeur, the fantastic gift of the Universe.

You are a heavenly being, a child meant to bring light to this world.

You are the galaxy and Milky Way, stardust in your cells. You are royalty. You deserve solace and reprieve. You are worth saving.

For those seeking help during distress, please call 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, refer to your Crisis Care Plan, or go to the nearest Emergency Room.

#suicideprevention

#suicideawareness

#mentalhealth

#radicallove

#radicalacceptance

#youareworthy