I am mourning the loss of my family, recently returning from my oldest brother's memorial. I feel empty; there were four of us at one time: three big brothers and myself. My protectors and best friends are gone in this physical dimension.
Grief has enveloped me like a blanket, cottonwood tears floating around me. How long will I be shrouded in this cover? Is there a timeline for grief to subside? How does one go on with life after grief has taken hold?
Recently, I have had C. S. Lewis's quote – "Joy is the serious business of heaven," roaming around in my thoughts, and I have been grappling with a profound question: How do I find joy amidst my grief?
I asked, where was my joy? It went unnoticed, unseen, like a cloak draped over my eyes.
My mind was a cacophony of noise, doubts, sorrow, and hopelessness, while joy was utterly absent in this space.
Yet, I have now come to realize joy was not absent. It was there, subtly but surely, weaving its threads of grace into the fabric of my sorrow.
My grief was a reminder that I had lived a life filled with joy shaped by my love for my brothers. I loved fiercely, forgave humbly, and embraced laughter and tears, finding joy even amid my grief.
Oh, to feel alive in this pain of grieving loss. I prayed for humility and graciousness within this human experience of loving and living. Joy has been the balm to my grief.
Joy was the key to filling my heart again in this realm of grief and sorrow. It was within this that my grief began to soften and transform.
While I understand grieving is a part of this healing process, I know my brothers have invited me to continue to experience life to the fullest and to love one another immensely.
And I understand it is customary to grieve. I have permitted myself to mourn and allowed space for my heart to mend from the loss of my brothers.
For I know within that sacred space of mourning lies the beauty of our existence.
Quote from C. S. Lewis’s book, “Letters to Malcom"
Unfortunately we are in that time of our lives where we have to deal with so much sorrow, ☹️
God has given us our earthly families, to live with, love, help us, and guide us through our journey as we have been living here on this earth. Our journey upon this earth for most of us goes on for many years. Many of our earthly families are and have now moved on to be with our loving and caring Heavenly Father, as we to will also be reunited with our once earthly families.
Thank you God for guiding us through these earthly challenges that we have experienced here on this earth.
Elise, my dear cousin, may you find comfort and…
Beautiful words that show the deep love of family. I am sorry for your pain but applaud the strength for you to put this all down, for many to see.
I truly hope joy finds and fills you and pain subsides.